Delphi Complete Poetical Works of Edward Lear Read online

  He alarmed all the people of Down.

  There was a young person in red

  There was a young person in red,

  Who carefully covered her head,

  With a bonnet of leather, and three lines of feather,

  Besides some long ribands of red.

  There was an old person of Hove

  There was an old person of Hove,

  Who frequented the depths of a grove;

  Where he studied his books, with the wrens and the rooks,

  That tranquil old person of Hove.

  There was a young person in pink

  There was a young person in pink,

  Who called out for something to drink;

  But they said, “O my daughter, there’s nothing but water!”

  Which vexed that young person in pink.

  There was an old lady of France

  There was an old lady of France,

  Who taught little ducklings to dance;

  When she said, “Tick-a-tack!” they only said, “Quack!”

  Which grieved that old lady of France.

  There was an old person of Putney

  There was an old person of Putney,

  Whose food was roast spiders and chutney,

  Which he took with his tea, within sight of the sea,

  That romantic old person of Putney.

  There was an old person of Loo

  There was an old person of Loo,

  Who said, “What on earth shall I do?”

  When they said, “Go away!” she continued to stay,

  That vexatious old person of Loo.

  There was an old person of Woking

  There was an old person of Woking,

  Whose mind was perverse and provoking;

  He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail,

  That illusive old person of Woking.

  There was an old person of Dean

  There was an old person of Dean

  Who dined on one pea, and one bean;

  For he said, “More than that, would make me too fat,”

  That cautious old person of Dean.

  There was a young lady in blue

  There was a young lady in blue,

  Who said, “Is it you? Is it you?”

  When they said, “Yes, it is,” she replied only, “Whizz!”

  That ungracious young lady in blue.

  There was an old Man in a Garden

  There was an old Man in a Garden,

  Who always begged every one’s pardon;

  When they asked him, “What for?” he replied, “You’re a bore!

  And I trust you’ll go out of my garden.”

  There was an old person of Pisa

  There was an old person of Pisa,

  Whose daughters did nothing to please her;

  She dressed them in gray, and banged them all day,

  Round the walls of the city of Pisa.

  There was an old person of Florence

  There was an old person of Florence,

  Who held mutton chops in abhorrence;

  He purchased a Bustard, and fried him in Mustard,

  Which choked that old person of Florence.

  There was an old person of Sheen

  There was an old person of Sheen,

  Whose expression was calm and serene;

  He sate in the water, and drank bottled porter,

  That placid old person of Sheen.

  There was an old person of Ware

  There was an old person of Ware,

  Who rode on the back of a bear;

  When they ask’d, “Does it trot?” he said, “Certainly not!

  He’s a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!”

  There was a young person of Janina

  There was a young person of Janina,

  Whose uncle was always a fanning her;

  When he fanned off her head, she smiled sweetly, and said,

  “You propitious old person of Janina!”

  There was an old man of Cashmere

  There was an old man of Cashmere,

  Whose movements were scroobious and queer;

  Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall,

  And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.

  There was an old person of Cassel

  There was an old person of Cassel,

  Whose nose finished off in a tassel;

  But they call’d out, “Oh well! don’t it look like a bell!”

  Which perplexed that old person of Cassel.

  There was an old person of Pett

  There was an old person of Pett,

  Who was partly consumed by regret;

  He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple tart,

  Which relieved that old person of Pett.

  There was an old man of Spithead

  There was an old man of Spithead,

  Who opened the window, and said, —

  “Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, fil-rumble-come-tumble!”

  That doubtful old man of Spithead.

  There was an old man on the Border

  There was an old man on the Border,

  Who lived in the utmost disorder;

  He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,

  Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

  There was an old man of Dumbree

  There was an old man of Dumbree,

  Who taught little owls to drink tea;

  For he said, “To eat mice is not proper or nice,”

  That amiable man of Dumbree.

  There was an old person of Filey

  There was an old person of Filey,

  Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;

  He danced perfectly well, to the sound of a bell,

  And delighted the people of Filey.

  There was an old man whose remorse

  There was an old man whose remorse

  Induced him to drink Caper Sauce;

  For they said, “If mixed up with some cold claret-cup,

  It will certainly soothe your remorse!”

  There was an old man of Ibreem

  There was an old man of Ibreem,

  Who suddenly threaten’d to scream;

  But they said, “If you do, we will thump you quite blue,

  You disgusting old man of Ibreem!”

  There was an old person of Wilts

  There was an old person of Wilts,

  Who constantly walked upon stilts;

  He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies,

  That elegant person of Wilts.

  There was an old person of Grange

  There was an old person of Grange,

  Whose manners were scroobious and strange;

  He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,

  That aquatic old person of Grange.

  There was an old person of Newry

  There was an old person of Newry,

  Whose manners were tinctured with fury;

  He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs,

  Within twenty miles’ distance of Newry.

  There was an old man of Dumblane

  There was an old man of Dumblane,

  Who greatly resembled a crane;

  But they said, “Is it wrong, since your legs are so long,

  To request you won’t stay in Dumblane?”

  There was an old man of Port Grigor

  There was an old man of Port Grigor,

  Whose actions were noted for vigour;

  He stood on his head till his waistcoat turned red,

  That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.

  There was an old man of El Hums

  There was an old man of El Hums,

  Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,

  Which he picked off the ground, with the other birds round,

  In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.

  There was an old man of West Dumpet

  There was an old man of West Dumpet,

  Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;r />
  When he blew it aloud, it astonished the crowd,

  And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.

  There was an old person of Sark

  There was an old person of Sark,

  Who made an unpleasant remark;

  But they said, “Don’t you see what a brute you must be,

  You obnoxious old person of Sark!”

  There was an old man whose despair

  There was an old man whose despair

  Induced him to purchase a hare:

  Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away,

  Which partly assuaged his despair.

  There was an old person of Barnes

  There was an old person of Barnes,

  Whose garments were covered with darns;

  But they said, “Without doubt, you will soon wear them out,

  You luminous person of Barnes!”

  There was an old person of Nice

  There was an old person of Nice,

  Whose associates were usually Geese.

  They walked out together in all sorts of weather,

  That affable person of Nice!

  There was a young lady of Greenwich

  There was a young lady of Greenwich,

  Whose garments were border’d with Spinach;

  But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,

  Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

  There was an old person of Cannes

  There was an old person of Cannes,

  Who purchased three fowls and a fan;

  Those she placed on a stool, and to make them feel cool

  She constantly fanned them at Cannes.

  There was an old person of Ickley

  There was an old person of Ickley,

  Who could not abide to ride quickly;

  He rode to Karnak on a tortoise’s back,

  That moony old person of Ickley.

  There was an old person of Hyde

  There was an old person of Hyde,

  Who walked by the shore with his bride,

  Till a Crab who came near fill’d their bosoms with fear,

  And they said, “Would we’d never left Hyde!”

  There was an old person in gray

  There was an old person in gray,

  Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;

  She purchased two parrots, and fed them with carrots,

  Which pleased that old person in gray.

  There was an old man of Ancona

  There was an old man of Ancona,

  Who found a small dog with no owner,

  Which he took up and down all the streets of the town,

  That anxious old man of Ancona.

  There was an old person of Sestri

  There was an old person of Sestri,

  Who sate himself down in the vestry;

  When they said, “You are wrong!” he merely said “Bong!”

  That repulsive old person of Sestri.

  There was an old person of Blythe

  There was an old person of Blythe,

  Who cut up his meat with a scythe;

  When they said, “Well! I never!” he cried, “Scythes for ever!”

  That lively old person of Blythe.

  There was a young person of Ayr

  There was a young person of Ayr,

  Whose head was remarkably square:

  On the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather;

  Which dazzled the people of Ayr.

  There was an old person of Rimini

  There was an old person of Rimini,

  Who said, “Gracious! Goodness! O Gimini!”

  When they said, “Please be still!” she ran down a hill,

  And was never more heard of at Rimini.

  There is a young lady, whose nose

  There is a young lady, whose nose,

  Continually prospers and grows;

  When it grew out of sight, she exclaimed in a fright,

  “Oh! Farewell to the end of my nose!”

  There was an old person of Ealing

  There was an old person of Ealing,

  Who was wholly devoid of good feeling;

  He drove a small gig, with three Owls and a Pig,

  Which distressed all the people of Ealing.

  There was an old man of Thames Ditton

  There was an old man of Thames Ditton,

  Who called out for something to sit on;

  But they brought him a hat, and said, “Sit upon that,

  You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!”

  There was an old person of Bray

  There was an old person of Bray,

  Who sang through the whole of the day

  To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed upon figs,

  That valuable person of Bray.

  There was a young person whose history

  There was a young person whose history

  Was always considered a mystery;

  She sate in a ditch, although no one knew which,

  And composed a small treatise on history.

  There was an old person of Bow

  There was an old person of Bow,

  Whom nobody happened to know;

  So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, “We hope

  You will go back directly to Bow!”

  There was an old person of Rye

  There was an old person of Rye,

  Who went up to town on a fly;

  But they said, “If you cough, you are safe to fall off!

  You abstemious old person of Rye!”

  There was an old person of Crowle

  There was an old person of Crowle,

  Who lived in the nest of an owl;

  When they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the rest,

  That depressing old person of Crowle.

  There was an old Lady of Winchelsea

  There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,

  Who said, “If you needle or pin shall see

  On the floor of my room, sweep it up with the broom!”

  That exhaustive old Lady of Winchelsea!

  There was an old man in a tree

  There was an old man in a tree,

  Whose whiskers were lovely to see;

  But the birds of the air pluck’d them perfectly bare,

  To make themselves nests in that tree.

  There was a young lady of Corsica

  There was a young lady of Corsica,

  Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur;

  Which she fed upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,

  That expensive young lady of Corsica.

  There was a young lady of Firle

  There was a young lady of Firle,

  Whose hair was addicted to curl;

  It curled up a tree, and all over the sea,

  That expansive young lady of Firle.

  There was an old person of Stroud

  There was an old person of Stroud,

  Who was horribly jammed in a crowd;

  Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched with a stick,

  That impulsive old person of Stroud.

  There was an old man of Boulak

  There was an old man of Boulak,

  Who sate on a Crocodile’s back;

  But they said, “Towr’ds the night he may probably bite,

  Which might vex you, old man of Boulak!”

  There was an old person of Skye

  There was an old person of Skye,

  Who waltz’d with a Bluebottle fly:

  They buzz’d a sweet tune, to the light of the moon,

  And entranced all the people of Skye.

  There was an old man of Blackheath

  There was an old man of Blackheath,

  Whose head was adorned with a wreath

  Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and mice,

  That uncommon old man of Blackheath.

  There was an old man, who when little

  There was an old man, who whe
n little

  Fell casually into a kettle;

  But, growing too stout, he could never get out,

  So he passed all his life in that kettle.