Nonsense Books Page 4

  THE JUMBLIES.

  I.

  They went to sea in a sieve, they did; In a sieve they went to sea: In spite of all their friends could say, On a winter's morn, on a stormy day, In a sieve they went to sea. And when the sieve turned round and round, And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!" They called aloud, "Our sieve ain't big; But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig: In a sieve we'll go to sea!" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue And they went to sea in a sieve.

  II.

  They sailed away in a sieve, they did, In a sieve they sailed so fast, With only a beautiful pea-green veil Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail, To a small tobacco-pipe mast. And every one said who saw them go, "Oh! won't they be soon upset, you know? For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long; And, happen what may, it's extremely wrong In a sieve to sail so fast." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

  III.

  The water it soon came in, it did; The water it soon came in: So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet In a pinky paper all folded neat; And they fastened it down with a pin. And they passed the night in a crockery-jar; And each of them said, "How wise we are! Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long, Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong, While round in our sieve we spin." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

  IV.

  And all night long they sailed away; And when the sun went down, They whistled and warbled a moony song To the echoing sound of a coppery gong, In the shade of the mountains brown. "O Timballoo! How happy we are When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar! And all night long, in the moonlight pale, We sail away with a pea-green sail In the shade of the mountains brown." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

  V.

  They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,-- To a land all covered with trees: And they bought an owl, and a useful cart, And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart, And a hive of silvery bees; And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws, And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws, And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree, And no end of Stilton cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

  VI.

  And in twenty years they all came back,-- In twenty years or more; And every one said, "How tall they've grown! For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone, And the hills of the Chankly Bore." And they drank their health, and gave them a feast Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast; And every one said, "If we only live, We, too, will go to sea in a sieve, To the hills of the Chankly Bore." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

  THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

  I.

  The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table; The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side; And the Nutcrackers said, "Don't you wish we were able Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride? Must we drag on this stupid existence forever, So idle and weary, so full of remorse, While every one else takes his pleasure, and never Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?

  II.

  "Don't you think we could ride without being instructed, Without any saddle or bridle or spur? Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed, I'm sure that an accident could not occur. Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table, And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse! Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?" The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, "Of course!"

  III.

  So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute; The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said "Crack!" The stable was open; the horses were in it: Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back. The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway; The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay; The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway, Screamed out, "They are taking the horses away!"

  IV.

  The whole of the household was filled with amazement: The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about; The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement; The Salt-cellar stood on his head with a shout; The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice; The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies; The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties, And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.

  V.

  The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion!" The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face; And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter (Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown), The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after; Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.

  VI.

  They rode through the street, and they rode by the station; They galloped away to the beautiful shore; In silence they rode, and "made no observation," Save this: "We will never go back any more!" And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing, The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say "Crack!" Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing, They faded away; and they never came back!

  CALICO PIE.

  I.

  Calico pie, The little birds fly Down to the calico-tree: Their wings were blue, And they sang "Tilly-loo!" Till away they flew; And they never came back to me! They never came back, They never came back, They never came back to me!

  II.

  Calico jam, The little Fish swam Over the Syllabub Sea. He took off his hat To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat: But he never came back to me; He never came back, He never came back, He never came back to me.

 

  III.

  Calico ban, The little Mice ran To be ready in time for tea; Flippity flup, They drank it all up, And danced in the cup: But they never came back to me; They never came back, They never came back, They never came back to me.

 

  IV.

  Calico drum, The Grasshoppers come, The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee, Over the ground, Around and round, With a hop and a bound; But they never came back, They never came back, They never came back. They never came back to me.

 

  MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

  I.

  On a little piece of wood Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood: Mrs. Sparrow sate close by, A-making of an insect-pie For her little children five, In the nest and all alive; Singing with a cheerful smile, To amuse them all the while, "Twikky wikky wikky
wee, Wikky bikky twikky tee, Spikky bikky bee!"

  II.

  Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said, "Spikky, darling! in my head Many thoughts of trouble come, Like to flies upon a plum. All last night, among the trees, I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze; And thought I, 'It's come to that Because he does not wear a hat!' Chippy wippy sikky tee, Bikky wikky tikky mee, Spikky chippy wee!

  III.

  "Not that you are growing old; But the nights are growing cold. No one stays out all night long Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong!" Mr. Spikky said, "How kind, Dear, you are, to speak your mind! All your life I wish you luck! You are, you are, a lovely duck! Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twitchy witchy witchy bee, Tikky tikky tee!

  IV.

  "I was also sad, and thinking, When one day I saw you winking, And I heard you sniffle-snuffle, And I saw your feathers ruffle: To myself I sadly said, 'She's neuralgia in her head! That dear head has nothing on it! Ought she not to wear a bonnet?' Witchy kitchy kitchy wee, Spikky wikky mikky bee, Chippy wippy chee!

  V.

  "Let us both fly up to town: There I'll buy you such a gown! Which, completely in the fashion, You shall tie a sky-blue sash on; And a pair of slippers neat To fit your darling little feet, So that you will look and feel Quite galloobious and genteel. Jikky wikky bikky see, Chicky bikky wikky bee, Twicky witchy wee!"

  VI.

  So they both to London went, Alighting on the Monument; Whence they flew down swiftly--pop! Into Moses' wholesale shop: There they bought a hat and bonnet, And a gown with spots upon it, A satin sash of Cloxam blue, And a pair of slippers too. Zikky wikky mikky bee, Witchy witchy mitchy kee, Sikky tikky wee!

  VII.

  Then, when so completely dressed, Back they flew, and reached their nest. Their children cried, "O ma and pa! How truly beautiful you are!" Said they, "We trust that cold or pain We shall never feel again; While, perched on tree or house or steeple, We now shall look like other people. Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee!"

 

  THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS.

  I.

  The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs, They all took a drive in the Park; And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! Before they went back in the dark. Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach; Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash; Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch); Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash). Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! And they all sang a song.

  II.

  "O Shovely so lovely!" the Poker he sang, "You have perfectly conquered my heart. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song, I will feed you with cold apple-tart. When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound, You enrapture my life with delight, Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round, And your shape is so slender and bright! Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! Ain't you pleased with my song?"

  III.

  "Alas! Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song, "Oh! is it because I'm so thin, And my legs are so long,--ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!-- That you don't care about me a pin? Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room, Ah! why don't you heed my complaint? Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom, Because you are covered with paint? Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! You are certainly wrong."

  IV.

  Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang, "What nonsense you're singing to-day!" Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang!" Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away!" So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could, Perceiving their anger with pain; But they put on the kettle, and little by little They all became happy again. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! There's an end of my song.

  THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

  I.

  Said the Table to the Chair, "You can hardly be aware How I suffer from the heat And from chilblains on my feet. If we took a little walk, We might have a little talk; Pray let us take the air," Said the Table to the Chair.

  II.

  Said the Chair unto the Table, "Now, you _know_ we are not able: How foolishly you talk, When you know we _cannot_ walk!" Said the Table with a sigh, "It can do no harm to try. I've as many legs as you: Why can't we walk on two?"

  III.

  So they both went slowly down, And walked about the town With a cheerful bumpy sound As they toddled round and round; And everybody cried, As they hastened to their side, "See! the Table and the Chair Have come out to take the air!"

  IV.

  But in going down an alley, To a castle in a valley, They completely lost their way, And wandered all the day; Till, to see them safely back, They paid a Ducky-quack, And a Beetle, and a Mouse, Who took them to their house.

 

  V.

  Then they whispered to each other, "O delightful little brother, What a lovely walk we've taken! Let us dine on beans and bacon." So the Ducky and the leetle Browny-Mousy and the Beetle Dined, and danced upon their heads Till they toddled to their beds.

 

  * * * * *

  NONSENSE STORIES.

  THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.

  Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whosenames were

  VIOLET, SLINGSBY, GUY, and LIONEL;and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought alarge boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to comeback on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots,and the sail was yellow with red stripes: and, when they set off, they onlytook a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderlyQuangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the tea; for whichpurposes they took a large kettle.

  For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat,as there were lots of fish; and they had only to take them out of the seawith a long spoon, when the Quangle-Wangle instantly cooked them; and thePussy-Cat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased,on the whole: so that all the party were very happy.

  During the daytime, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt waterinto a churn; while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hopethat it would turn into butter, which it seldom if ever did; and in theevening they all retired into the tea-kettle, where they all managed tosleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed theboat.

  After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when they came to it,they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth.Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent isthmuses, with a greatgulf-stream running about all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful,and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high.

  When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to their greatsurprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets andchocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they all climbed up the single hightree to discover, if possible, if there were any people; but havingremained on the top of the tree for a week, and not seeing anybody, theynaturally concluded that there were no inhabitants; and accordingly, whenthey came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and amillion of chocolate-drops; and these
afforded them sustenance for morethan a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmostdelight and apathy.

  After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-fivegreat red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and allfast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and theQuangle-Wangle crept softly, and bit off the tail-feathers of all thesixty-five parrots; for which Violet reproved them both severely.

  Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers--twohundred and sixty in number--in her bonnet; thereby causing it to have alovely and glittering appearance, highly prepossessing and efficacious.

  The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, whichwas so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go on no farther: sothey remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all thefishes, which were soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered withshrimp-sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fisheswho remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the difficultythey had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by thearctic bears and the tropical turnspits, which frequented the neighborhoodin great numbers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock forseveral of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium-drops to them;through which kindness they became quite warm, and slept soundly.