Delphi Complete Poetical Works of Edward Lear Read online

  Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

  There was a Young Lady of Turkey

  There was a Young Lady of Turkey,

  Who wept when the weather was murky;

  When the day turned out fine, she ceased to repine,

  That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

  There was an Old Man of Aôsta

  There was an Old Man of Aôsta

  Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;

  But they said, “Don’t you see she has run up a tree,

  You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?”

  There was a Young Person of Crete

  There was a Young Person of Crete,

  Whose toilette was far from complete;

  She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black,

  That ombliferous Person of Crete.

  There was a Young Lady of Clare

  There was a Young Lady of Clare,

  Who was madly pursued by a Bear;

  When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,

  That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

  There was a Young Lady of Dorking

  There was a Young Lady of Dorking,

  Who bought a large bonnet for walking;

  But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes,

  That she very soon went back to Dorking.

  There was an Old Man of Cape Horn

  There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,

  Who wished he had never been born;

  So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair,

  That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

  There was an old Person of Cromer

  There was an old Person of Cromer,

  Who stood on one leg to read Homer;

  When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,

  Which concluded that Person of Cromer.

  There was an Old Man of the Hague

  There was an Old Man of the Hague,

  Whose ideas were excessively vague;

  He built a balloon to examine the moon,

  That deluded Old Man of the Hague.

  There was an Old Person of Spain

  There was an Old Person of Spain,

  Who hated all trouble and pain;

  So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air,

  That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.

  There was an Old Man who said, “Well!

  There was an Old Man who said, “Well!

  Will nobody answer this bell?

  I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,

  But nobody answers this bell!”

  There was an Old Man with an Owl

  There was an Old Man with an Owl,

  Who continued to bother and howl;

  He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale,

  Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl.

  There was an Old Man in a casement

  There was an Old Man in a casement,

  Who held up his hands in amazement;

  When they said, “Sir, you’ll fall!” he replied, “Not at all!”

  That incipient Old Man in a casement.

  There was an Old Person of Ewell

  There was an Old Person of Ewell,

  Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;

  But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,

  Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

  There was an Old Man of Peru.

  There was an Old Man of Peru.

  Who never knew what he should do;

  So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear,

  That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.

  There was an Old Man with a beard

  There was an Old Man with a beard,

  Who said, “It is just as I feared! —

  Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,

  Have all built their nests in my beard.”

  There was a Young Lady whose eyes

  There was a Young Lady whose eyes

  Were unique as to color and size;

  When she opened them wide, people all turned aside,

  And started away in surprise.

  There was a Young Lady of Ryde

  There was a Young Lady of Ryde,

  Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;

  She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,

  And frequently walked about Ryde.

  There was a Young Lady whose bonnet

  There was a Young Lady whose bonnet

  Came untied when the birds sate upon it;

  But she said, “I don’t care! all the birds in the air

  Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!”

  NONSENSE SONGS, STORIES, BOTANY AND ALPHABETS

  Lear’s second collection of nonsense poetry was not published until 25 years later in 1871 and it contains what is regarded as the poet’s most enduring poetic achievement. The Owl and the Pussycat was initially composed for Janet Symonds, the three-year-old daughter of Lear’s friend and fellow poet, John Addington Symonds and his wife Catherine Symonds. The poem features four anthropomorphic animals — an owl, a cat, a pig and a turkey – recounting the story of the love between the title characters, who eventually marry in the land “where the Bong-tree grows”.

  In the narrative of the poem, the Owl and the Pussycat set out to sea in a pea green boat, with honey and “plenty of money” wrapped in a five pound note. The Owl serenades the Pussycat, whilst gazing at the stars and strumming a small guitar. He describes her as beautiful and she urges that they should be married, yet she is concerned that they have no ring. They sail away for a year and a day to a land where Bong trees grow and they discover a pig with a ring in his nose in a wood. There, they buy the ring for a shilling and are married the next day by a turkey. They dine on mince and quince using a “runcible spoon” — an original expression developed by Lear that has since become famous — and together they dance hand-in-hand on the sand in the moonlight.

  Interestingly, a fragment of an unfinished sequel, The Children of the Owl and the Pussycat, was published posthumously in 1938 and can be read here.

  The first edition

  CONTENTS

  NONSENSE SONGS.

  THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

  THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

  THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

  THE JUMBLIES.

  THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

  CALICO PIE.

  MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

  THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS.

  THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

  NONSENSE STORIES.

  THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.

  THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.

  NONSENSE COOKERY.

  Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870.

  THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.

  TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.

  TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

  TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.

  NONSENSE BOTANY.

  NONSENSE ALPHABETS.

  ALPHABET I. (1871)

  ALPHABET II. (1871)

  ALPHABET III. (1871)

  NONSENSE SONGS.

  THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

  I.

  The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea

  In a beautiful pea-green boat:

  They took some honey, and plenty of money

  Wrapped up in a five-pound note.

  The Owl looked up to the stars above,

  And sang to a small guitar,

  “O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,

  What a beautiful Pussy you are,

  You are,

  You are!

  What a beautiful Pussy you are!”

  II.

  Pussy said to the Owl, “You elegant fowl,

  How charmingly sweet you sing!

  Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:

  But what shall we do for a ring?”

  They
sailed away, for a year and a day,

  To the land where the bong-tree grows;

  And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,

  With a ring at the end of his nose,

  His nose,

  His nose,

  With a ring at the end of his nose.

  III.

  “Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling

  Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”

  So they took it away, and were married next day

  By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

  They dined on mince and slices of quince,

  Which they ate with a runcible spoon;

  And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,

  They danced by the light of the moon,

  The moon,

  The moon,

  They danced by the light of the moon.

  THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

  I.

  Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,

  “Good gracious! how you hop

  Over the fields, and the water too,

  As if you never would stop!

  My life is a bore in this nasty pond;

  And I long to go out in the world beyond:

  I wish I could hop like you,”

  Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

  II.

  “Please give me a ride on your back,”

  Said the Duck to the Kangaroo:

  “I would sit quite still, and say nothing but ‘Quack’

  The whole of the long day through;

  And we ‘d go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,

  Over the land, and over the sea:

  Please take me a ride! oh, do!”

  Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

  III.

  Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,

  “This requires some little reflection.

  Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;

  And there seems but one objection;

  Which is, if you’ll let me speak so bold,

  Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,

  And would probably give me the roo-

  Matiz,” said the Kangaroo.

  IV.

  Said the Duck, “As I sate on the rocks,

  I have thought over that completely;

  And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,

  Which fit my web-feet neatly;

  And, to keep out the cold, I’ve bought a cloak;

  And every day a cigar I’ll smoke;

  All to follow my own dear true

  Love of a Kangaroo.”

  V.

  Said the Kangaroo, “I’m ready,

  All in the moonlight pale;

  But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,

  And quite at the end of my tail.”

  So away they went with a hop and a bound;

  And they hopped the whole world three times round.

  And who so happy, oh! who,

  As the Duck and the Kangaroo?

  THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

  I.

  Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,

  Dressed in brown and gray,

  Walked about upon the sands

  Upon a summer’s day:

  And there among the pebbles,

  When the wind was rather cold,

  He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,

  All dressed in blue and gold;

  And, as it was too soon to dine,

  They drank some periwinkle-wine,

  And played an hour or two, or more,

  At battlecock and shuttledore.

  II.

  Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs

  To Mr. Floppy Fly,

  “Why do you never come to court?

  I wish you ‘d tell me why.

  All gold and shine, in dress so fine,

  You’d quite delight the court.

  Why do you never go at all?

  I really think you ought.

  And, if you went, you’d see such sights!

  Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!

  And, more than all, the king and queen, —

  One in red, and one in green.”

  III.

  “O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”

  Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

  “It’s true I never go to court;

  And I will tell you why.

  If I had six long legs like yours,

  At once I’d go to court;

  But, oh! I can’t, because my legs

  Are so extremely short.

  And I’m afraid the king and queen

  (One in red, and one in green)

  Would say aloud, ‘You are not fit,

  You Fly, to come to court a bit!’”

  IV.

  “Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!”

  Said Mr. Floppy Fly,

  “I wish you ‘d sing one little song,

  One mumbian melody.

  You used to sing so awful well

  In former days gone by;

  But now you never sing at all:

  I wish you’d tell me why:

  For, if you would, the silvery sound

  Would please the shrimps and cockles round,

  And all the crabs would gladly come

  To hear you sing, ‘Ah, Hum di Hum!’”

  V.

  Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,

  “I can never sing again;

  And, if you wish, I’ll tell you why,

  Although it gives me pain.

  For years I cannot hum a bit,

  Or sing the smallest song;

  And this the dreadful reason is, —

  My legs are grown too long!

  My six long legs, all here and there,

  Oppress my bosom with despair;

  And, if I stand or lie or sit,

  I cannot sing one single bit!”

  VI.

  So Mr. Daddy Long-legs

  And Mr. Floppy Fly

  Sat down in silence by the sea,

  And gazed upon the sky.

  They said, “This is a dreadful thing!

  The world has all gone wrong,

  Since one has legs too short by half,

  The other much too long.

  One never more can go to court,

  Because his legs have grown too short;

  The other cannot sing a song,

  Because his legs have grown too long!”

  VII.

  Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs

  And Mr. Floppy Fly

  Rushed downward to the foamy sea

  With one sponge-taneous cry:

  And there they found a little boat,

  Whose sails were pink and gray;

  And off they sailed among the waves,

  Far and far away:

  They sailed across the silent main,

  And reached the great Gromboolian Plain;

  And there they play forevermore

  At battlecock and shuttledore.

  THE JUMBLIES.

  I.

  They went to sea in a sieve, they did;

  In a sieve they went to sea:

  In spite of all their friends could say,

  On a winter’s morn, on a stormy day,

  In a sieve they went to sea.

  And when the sieve turned round and round,

  And every one cried, “You’ll all be drowned!”

  They called aloud, “Our sieve ain’t big;

  But we don’t care a button, we don’t care a fig:

  In a sieve we’ll go to sea!”

  Far and few, far and few,

  Are the lands where the Jumblies live:

  Their heads are green, and their hands are blue

  And they went to sea in a sieve.

  II.

  They sailed away in a sieve, they did,

  In a sieve they sailed so fast,

  With only a beautiful pea-green veil

  Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,

  To a small tobacco-pipe mast.

  And every one said who saw them go, />
  “Oh! won’t they be soon upset, you know?

  For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;

  And, happen what may, it’s extremely wrong

  In a sieve to sail so fast.”

  Far and few, far and few,

  Are the lands where the Jumblies live:

  Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;

  And they went to sea in a sieve.

  III.

  The water it soon came in, it did;

  The water it soon came in:

  So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet

  In a pinky paper all folded neat;

  And they fastened it down with a pin.

  And they passed the night in a crockery-jar;

  And each of them said, “How wise we are!

  Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,

  Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,

  While round in our sieve we spin.”

  Far and few, far and few,

  Are the lands where the Jumblies live:

  Their heads are green, and their hands are blue;

  And they went to sea in a sieve.

  IV.

  And all night long they sailed away;

  And when the sun went down,